


Say Hey if you're Gay

by ForxGood



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, F/F, Humor, Implied former Erin/female OC, Just Roll With It, Lesbian Erin Gilbert, Romance, essentially crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:04:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForxGood/pseuds/ForxGood
Summary: Erase all that mooning over Kevin. Forget Phil. Now imagine that Erin Gilbert is as gay as the earth is round, she’s just infuriatingly straight-passing and hated that in college, but later at Columbia ended up taking advantage of it. (Anything to “fit in”, feel “normal” enough to vie for that coveted tenure. She’d grit her teeth and bare it. It was just who she was.) Then the Ghostbusters happened, and Erin starts “regressing” ecstatically back to her true form. But while she gets a little more carefree in her reactions to Holtz’s giddy flirting, she doesn’t flirt back. Not yet. Because she’s never had such a golden opportunity to prank someone… (Summary prompt from clintbartonsdog on Tumblr)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [clintbartonsdog (Marvelous_apparitions)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelous_apparitions/gifts).



> Based on a tumblr post by clintbartonsdog, which was essentially 'Erin is a lesbian pranking Holtzmann, and the truth only comes out when Holtz walks downstairs in a 'Say hey if you're gay' shirt when Erin just tells her 'Hey' all suave and sultry'. I honestly completely 500% headcanon Erin Gilbert as an Outstanding Bisexual in literally every other situation, but this prompt was just too good to pass up; I had to write it. So yeah, here you go! Obviously adapted from an RP thread, this time between gloriousgayweirdo and myself (scientificxmethod) on Tumblr.

The only thing more frustrating than being gay in a heteronormative world was being an infuriatingly straight-passing gay in a heteronormative world. It had taken Erin long enough to be okay with her being a lesbian, but when she had she had hoped to at least manage to get a girlfriend soon.

Turns out that dating wasn’t just harder because she was gay, it was harder because  _everyone thought she was straight_.

It had infuriated her to no end, especially in the beginning (and especially because Abby hadn’t stopped laughing about it when she mentioned it.  _This was a real issue, Abby, unlike you I do really want to get laid sometime!_ ). But after she left the University of Michigan, and began her tenure-track job at Columbia, she found it actually worked in her favour. There was still a serious stigma on being anything but heterosexual, and so she did what she did best; Conform.

Being with the Ghostbusters was different, though. The people around her were different. And one of them already knew she was as gay as the Earth is round. Erin also strongly suspected Patty Tolan of being pansexual, and Jillian Holtzmann…

Well, if Holtz was anything but gay, Erin would make a formal apology to Columbia University for being upset about firing her.

It seemed Holtz’s gaydar hadn’t pinged on Erin, though, which had initially frustrated the physicist a bit. After a while, however, when she’d finally gotten settled and the New York drama had been over, she decided she could actually have a little fun with that.

Maybe she could teach the blonde engineer a lesson about how rude it was to be making assumptions.

As a result, she made it a point not to make too big a deal about her slow regression back into lesbianism, as it were. She started wearing more comfortable clothes, and if some of it just happened to be flannel, well… The fabric was comfortable? Who could blame her? The rainbow flag keychain was _really_ just something she’d thought was cute, and _really, Holtz, why is it so strange I played softball in college? I needed the PE credits and it was either that, rugby, or cheerleading._

All in all, she’d managed to keep the ‘innocent and ignorant straight girl’ act up quite well, and Erin was having an absolute  _blast_  toying with Holtzmann that way. She loved watching Holtzmann flounder, constantly going back to the assumption Erin was straight as a board despite Erin _never_ actually having said anything about her sexuality.

Right now, she was leaning over the blonde’s shoulder, invading Holtzmann’s personal space as Erin continued the conversation they’d been having. “So this is going to keep the ectoplasm at bay?”

“Yeeees. This little baby here, should reject the goop before it even hits you, my dear ectoplasm magnet.” Holtzmann replied as she made sure to keep her face forward, hoping to concentrate in her work. This was proving more difficult than it should have been, what with the redhead practically kissing her cheek.

Not for the first time Holtz bemoaned the fact that Erin was pretty much ‘Barbie-heterosexual’. The world had brought the brilliant, gorgeous, woman into her life, and there was _nothing_ she could do about it, no matter how much she wanted to.

Not that Holtzmann didn’t enjoy Erin’s friendship; she valued that highly, in fact. But the fact that Erin was the most heterosexual person Holtz had ever met was a huge let down for the engineer.

Even so, she had resigned herself to the fact that she would never be able to be with the physicist, and settled with just innocently flirting every once in a while, no matter how difficult that was sometimes.

 “We’ll have to do some tests first though. We can use Abby as a test subject. She doesn’t mind getting slimed for science!” Holtzmann said, hoping to bring her own focus back to actually working on something useful. At this point, she had been working on one particular screw in the metal bracelet far longer than needed, and hadn’t actually realized that yet.

Erin felt herself smile at how flustered Holtzmann was getting, realizing the engineer had noticed Erin staring at her hands and wondering if the blonde would call her out on it. If she did, Erin could always just put it down to watching the work rather than the hands - like the innocent straight girl Holtzmann still assumed her to be.

If she was, in fact, imagining what else those fingers could do once Erin finally got bored of this little game, that was something Holtzmann didn’t need to know.

(Not yet, as least. She was still having  _way_  too much fun riling Holtz up to even consider setting the record ‘straight’ anytime soon.)

“She owes me one anyway.” Erin replied, leaning in just a little bit closer to Holtzmann before pulling away again, walking back to her whiteboard as she left Holtzmann to her work. Fun as this was, if she kept distracting the engineer too much no work would actually get done.

She’d already spotted Holtzmann working on a single screw for nearly 3 minutes now; not exactly the epitome of productivity.

The engineer noticeably relaxed as Erin walked away, her heart still pounding in her chest. She let out a quick breath and let her hand slip away from the bracelet, looking down at the screw that was forever imbedded in the metal seeing how tightly she’d screwed it in. 

 _Shit!_  

She cursed herself inside her head, hoping that she wouldn’t have to eventually take that screw out.

“Do you still need those calculations you asked for last week?” Erin called over, pretending to be oblivious to the blonde’s obvious panic.

“Calculations?” Holtzmann asked, clearly puzzled by the comment. She’d been so lost in her own thoughts – all of which were focused around Erin – that she didn’t even realize what the other woman was referring to.

 _C'mon, Holtz,_ she inwardly grumbled, _get it together._  

Taking a breath and collecting herself, Holtzmann turned back to face Erin. “Mmmm, yaup. Yes, need those most definitely.” 

She set the bracelet down and stood up, pushing her work goggles to the top of her head before leaning on the workbench to grin at Erin. “Hit me with what you got, hot stuff.” 

 _That’s right Holtzy, don’t let her get to you. You’re just normal, not attracted to each other, coworkers._   _Just a normal coworker that you sometimes flirt with. That’s all._

“Nothing really useful so far.” Erin admitted, turning back to smile at Holtzmann. “But give me a few more hours and I should have them ready for you. I kind of want to double-check everything first.”

“Roger that.” The blonde gave her a quick, two-finger salute, a gesture that had Erin grinning as she picked up the whiteboard marker and got to work. She had just started, when the lab playlist switched songs again, and Erin’s ears perked up.

 _Of course_  Holtzmann would listen to Tegan and Sara.

Smiling ever so slightly, Erin hummed along to the familiar tune, running over the first half of her calculations as she did. Realizing Holtzmann was staring at her, Erin paused after a few seconds, raising an innocent brow at the engineer. “What?”

Holtzmann was gaping at her, trying and failing to form a coherent sentence as she stared. “How do you know this song when you’re-”

Holtzmann stopped suddenly, seemingly realizing how rude the question had been as she attempted to backtrack. Stunned as she was that Erin had been humming along to a freaking _Tegan and Sara song_ , that was no excuse to act like an asshole.

Not that Erin seemed to notice. She just hummed innocently, wordlessly asking Holtzmann for clarification, seemingly confused as to what the big deal was.

“I mean…” Holtzmann spoke cautiously, being as nonchalant as she could, “What I meant to say was, you like this band?”

“Oh, yes, I do.” She smiled at Holtzmann, all innocence and joy. “I heard this song on the radio once a few months back, and I really liked it. It’s good music.” And with that, she went back to the whiteboard, pretending she didn’t know what Holtzmann was subtly inquiring about and chuckling quietly to herself as she heard the muffled but frustrated groan from the engineer. In truth, she hadn’t really expected Holtzmann to make such a big deal out of Erin knowing a Tegan and Sara song. But now that she had…

Well, Erin supposed she could have just a little more fun with that.

Holtzmann, for her part, waited until Erin was completely immersed in her equations again, before burying her head in her hands and groaning quietly. She knew Erin was straight. She had _resigned_ herself to the fact that Erin was straight. Erin radiated so many heterosexual vibes that it was sometimes difficult for Holtzmann to even imagine an alternate reality in which Erin could be interested in her.

Jillian Holtzmann had established that, without a doubt, Erin Gilbert was the straightest straight to ever straight, and she was _okay_ with that. Honestly.

But recently, Erin had been throwing out some unexpected signals, and Holtz had been uncharacteristically flummoxed by them.

They were small things, sure, and if she was being entirely honest Holtz had been able to cross them off as flukes, _but still_ … There was little more frustrating than crushing on a straight girl who made a habit of doing stereotypically gay things, _especially_ when said girl was really cute and clearly had no idea that her hobbies and interests could be considered lesbian activities.

For example: Holtzmann had noticed the plaid shirt that Erin was sporting today. It was her third plaid of the week - not like Holtz had been keeping track – and normal people would have begun to suspect this meant the woman wearing them played for the opposite team. But Erin had _insisted_ she just wore those shirts because they were comfortable, and really, Holtzmann couldn’t blame her for that. The shirts _were_ comfortable. But they were also taunting her in a way that was just absolutely unfair.

And then there was the Tegan and Sara song, the music that Erin had _insisted_ she had just accidentally stumbled upon and thought was good. Again, it was a totally plausible explanation, especially for someone like Erin. Holtzmann doubted she had much – if any – knowledge on gay culture, and she would undoubtedly be oblivious to the implications of liking Tegan and Sara. She might not even know who the singers _were_ , simply liking that one specific tune. As much as it pained Holtzmann to admit it, those were both very valid and very Erin Gilbert-esque explanation.

Holtzmann sincerely hoped these events were just flukes, just little accidents that – while taunting her – were completely innocent and just one-time events. But much to Holtzmann’s dismay, things actually continued like that for a while. And with more increasing frequency, even.

Holtzmann really tried to put all the little signs and how much Erin was touching her to the back of her mind. However, the clash of Erin’s hetero personality and the almost painfully obvious gay things she was doing bugged the engineer to no end. It was almost like Erin was doing them on purpose, but Holtz couldn’t believe that for a second.

Erin was too straight-laced to be that devious. It sounded more like something Holtz herself would do; she was the prankster of the group, she would be able to pull something off. But Erin? Erin Gilbert?

Never.

 

It did get to a point a few weeks later, right after Holtz had spotted Erin wearing a beanie (the physicist had insisted she was wearing it because she was cold, never mind that she was wearing it inside and that it fit strangely well with that day’s flannel shirt), that she decided she had to bring it up to Abby. Surely Erin’s best friend would know the answer to her little problem.

Holtzmann had actually gone to Abby already, back when the first signs of Erin’s potential gayness had started popping up. She had been incredibly curious, hopeful at the potential she could actually have a chance with the gorgeous and brilliant physicist, but her best friend had denied knowing Erin to have any gay tendencies at all. Patty hadn’t been much help either, the historian claiming she didn’t really know Erin that well, and that she wasn’t about to make any assumptions on such a topic. Knowing asking Patty again wouldn’t be much help, she had gone back to Abby, but it seemed the woman was sticking to her story.

“For the millionth time, Holtzmann; _I don’t know what Erin’s sexuality is_. But if I’m being entirely honest with you, she really does look like the heterosexual type to me.” Abby spoke, looking incredibly serious. “And if she wasn’t straight, she _certainly_ would have told me.”

Unbeknownst to Holtzmann, Abby was having a lot of trouble keeping a straight face, knowing she wasn’t even lying to Holtz as she spoke.

She just wasn’t telling her the whole truth.

Of course Erin looked like she was straight, and of course Erin had told her ages ago that she wasn’t. But Holtzmann didn’t need to know that yet. Much like Erin, Abby thought it was hilarious how this was all playing out. while inside she was laughing uproariously at how this whole thing was playing out. Of course she knew that Erin wasn’t and she was thoroughly enjoying watching Holtz go slowly insane trying to figure it out.

“But Abbbbbyyyyy!” Holtzmann whined. “The flannel! The Tegan and Sara! The keychain! _Come on_!” The blonde sounded incredibly frustrated, and again Aby was having trouble not to laugh.

She managed to keep herself together though, even as Holtzmann visibly perked up, a hopeful glint in her eyes. “Maybe she just hasn’t told you yet? That could be it right?”

Abby shrugged and picked up her cup of coffee as she headed towards the kitchen. “Erin and I used to tell each other everything. We still do. And if she hasn’t told me, then I’m sure it’s just all coincidences, Holtz.” Again, not exactly a lie. Erin _had_ told her, she just didn’t reveal that information. Instead, she turned back to Holtzmann. “Also; shush with your theories. Here comes Erin.”

Abby left the lab as Erin walked in the door, shooting her best friend an amused grin. The redhead had caught the tail-end of that interaction, but caught the cue and pretended to be oblivious to it, even as she was endlessly amused at the fact that Holtzmann was still floundering.

Abby meanwhile called back to Holtz, loud enough that both women could hear, “Oh! You should ask her about that thing tonight, see what she says. Maybe it will help solve the problem!”

Holtzmann turned to Erin as she came into the lab, aggressively trying to be normal, like she and Abby hadn’t just been talking about her. “Erin!” She exclaimed enthusiastically. “Good morning! How was your night? Sleep well?”

“I slept well, thank you Holtz.” Erin beamed at her, taking a sip of her coffee mug. “I had drinks with an ex from college last night; we caught up on what’s been going on in our lives.”

“Your ex?” Holtzmann asked. She _had_ to get Erin talking. Maybe she would get some actual concrete evidence and be able to end this frustration. Especially after seeing Erin’s coffee mug, with the text ‘Higgs Boson gives me a hadron’ on it. 

 _Really? Really Erin?!_ This crush was going to kill her.

“How was that? Did you two have a good time talking about the old days?”

“Yup.” Erin nodded, downing the last of the coffee in her mug before placing it on the desk. “We’re good friends now, it was kind of fun catching up.” She quickly changed the topic after that, picking up a stack of files from the table and placing them on her desk. “What was Abby talking about when I walked in, by the way?” She asked, genuinely curious. “It sounded serious.”

 _Well, that was a dead end._ Holtz had learned nothing. While she was desperate to ask for more information, but she also knew not to push Erin. And by now, she knew the redhead well enough to know when she didn’t want to talk about something anymore.

So instead, Holtz picked up the project she’d been working on earlier, tinkering with it as she answered Erin’s question. “Oh, it’s not really anything. There’s a dance night at this bar that we go to and Abby said I should ask if you should come.”

Then it clicked in Holtz’s head, why Abby had suggested she ask. If Erin was in a gay bar and was gay, she was bound to say something about it. It would be the solid proof that Holtz needed. Pretending to be casual about it, Holtzmann shrugged at Erin.

“I don’t know if you’d want to come though. It’s a gay bar. Abby and I are only going to blow off a little steam. But you know, if you wanted to come, it could be fun.”

Erin had visibly perked up at the mention of a dance night. She had always loved dancing, had always found it a perfect way to blow off some steam. And if it meant dancing close to Holtzmann, riling the blonde engineer up a little more for her own entertainment…

That’s when Holtzmann mentioned going to a gay bar, and Erin’s smile faltered a little. 

 _Shit_.

She was meant to pretend to be this perfect little straight girl, and she couldn’t do that if she was surrounded by women who would actually potentially be interested in sleeping with her. Of course she had a strong straight-girl-vibe radiating off of her, but she also hadn’t gotten laid in  _forever_ , and she was pretty sure she was gonna end up blowing her cover as a result.

But then again… The prospect of confusing Holtzmann even more was tempting… And besides, she could use a night out.

So she smiled again, shrugging innocently. “Sure, I’ll join you. Dancing is dancing, right? And it would actually be nice to not have to worry about men hitting on me.” She grinned, before sitting down behind her desk to do her paperwork. Holtzmann just gaped at Erin in response, really unsure of what to do with this answer, and even more confused than she had been _before_ this morning.

* * *

 

So there they were, later that night, somewhere Holtzmann never thought she’d be with Erin: Dance night at the gay bar.

It was packed. Dance nights usual were, and there were women everywhere - dancing, drinking and just generally having a good time. Holtzmann had been apprehensive at first, wondering how Erin would react, but the redhead didn’t seem phased at all. She, Holtz, and Abby had danced and laughed, had had a few drinks, and while Holtz was having a fun time she was also a little disappointed.

Apparently, if you put Erin in a room full of lesbians it was even more achingly apparent how straight she was. Other than a few women trying to hit on Erin – all of whom Erin had declined - Holtzmann had gained no new proof that Erin was gay. Which was frustrating, because part of Erin’s tactic of fending off the interest of other girls seemed to be to be dancing closer to Holtzmann.

Of course, Erin couldn’t know what her moves were doing to the engineer, but that didn’t make Holtzmann any less flustered. Especially because it seemed like Erin was dancing more freely than she normally did. Holtzman figured the redhead was only doing that because she didn’t have to worry about men hitting on her here, as she had said in the lab, but still… the way Erin twisted and shimmied to the heavy beats had been driving Holtz insane, and Erin’s outfit – a short black dress – didn’t help matters either.

Eventually, Holtzmann had dragged Erin back to the bar, claiming she needed a drink. As the engineer leaned against the bar, Erin and Abby each seated on one of the bar stools, the blonde was watching the crowd. There were more than a few ladies that were doing it for the engineer but she couldn’t quite bring herself to leave Erin. Despite the evidence of her straightness, Holtz still was dealing with a mad crush on the physicist, and she couldn’t help but want to spend the whole night with her.

Not for the first time, she cursed herself yet again for being attracted to a straight girl.

“It feels so good to get out and dance once in a while, right Erin?” Holtzmann asked, turning her attention from the dance floor back to the object of her affections.

“I’m having a great time.” Erin nodded, beaming at her. “This was a fantastic idea, Holtzmann.” Which, in all honesty, was a downright lie. Being put in a room full of bisexual and lesbian women without being able to flirt was a special kind of torture for Erin, especially considering she hadn’t gotten laid in forever. But _dammit_ , Erin had committed to this, and she was damn well going to see this through.

Though  _seriously_ , she didn’t want to be put in this situation again. Next time Holtzmann asked her to a gay bar, she was just going to tell the blonde she’d been messing with her. There were too many pretty girls here, and Erin wanted nothing more than to put the flirting skills she’d cultivated in college to use.

“The DJ is good too. Usually it’s kind of crappy.” Holtzmann continued, seemingly desperate to continue the small talk. Erin suspected it was because Holtzmann wanted to keep her off the dance floor. The engineer was endearingly protective over her, undoubtedly ready to chase off any girls showing an interest in Erin in order not to make the ‘poor little straight girl’ uncomfortable.

If only she knew…

Watching the blonde glance at the dancefloor again, Erin gently nudged her arm. 

“Hey, if you wanna put your ladykiller moves on for a bit, you can, you know? I can take care of myself.” Much as she enjoyed toying with Holtzmann, she could imagine the engineer had a few things to get out of her system. And seeing as Erin was still having a little too much fun with this, and wasn’t gonna come out to Holtzmann anytime soon, she had essentially excluded herself as a viable candidate.

(Which, yeah, kinda sucked, but she’d hopefully fix that sometime in the future).

Holtzmann looked from Erin to Abby back to Erin. “You sure?” She asked, a little hesitant. “’Cause I really don’t mind staying…” If she was honest with herself she really wanted to go back out there. With a little bit of luck, it could help her get her mind off of Erin. Beautiful brilliant, and _horribly straight_ Erin.

“Positive.” The physicist nodded. “Besides, I have Abby with me.” Erin added, wrapping her arm around her best friend’s shoulder. “We’ll be fine.”

“I suppose you’re right. And I know you can most certainly take of yourself, Gilbert.” She winked at her friend, glad that even if she couldn’t be with her she could still harmlessly flirt with her. “I guess I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit.”

Before she left, Holtz gave Abby a sideways look, one that mostly told her to protect Erin with her life. The brunette just smiled at her and waved her off, Erin following her example as Holtzmann did an elaborate twirl and headed off into the crowd.

The redhead kept up the façade until she was certain Holtzmann was out of hearing range. If she was being honest, sending Holtzmann off to dance had also been a selfish desire of hers; she really,  _really_  needed to vent to Abby about how this situation was a special brand of torture, but the last thing she wanted was to tip the blonde off.

Abby seemed to have caught on to that, taking a sip of her drink and smirking at Erin as soon as Holtzmann was gone. “Are you dying yet? ‘Cause I would be. I’m actually impressed you’ve kept it up this long.”

Erin let out a loud groan of frustration, burying her head in Abby’s shoulder. “Oh my _god_ , Abby. I’m so gay right now. I’m so very, _very_ gay. Girls are so pretty and soft and nice and this is the  _worst_. I am suffering so much right now, you honestly have no idea.”

“There there…” Abby chuckled, calmly patting Erin’s head. “You brought this on yourself, you know.” 

“I know…” Erin grumbled. “Doesn’t make this any less frustrating.”

“You could always just tell her the truth.” Abby suggested with a smirk, knowing full well that Erin wouldn’t go for that. And indeed, the redhead shook her head, leaning back up to look at Abby again. 

“I can’t do that.” She explained. “I’ve  _committed_  to this. I’m damn well going to see it through. I can survive one night of being surrounded by pretty girls. Very pretty girls. Girls with killer dance moves…”

Feeling her mind beginning to wander, Erin sighed loudly, waving the bartender over for a refill of her drink. As she did, a familiar voice interrupted her.

“As I live and breathe… Erin Gilbert?!”

Both Abby and Erin turned to see who had spoken, Erin’s eyes brightening in recognition as she saw who it was. “Bobbie Skyler! God, it’s been  _years_!”

“Way too long.” Bobbie agreed, sitting down on the barstool Holtzmann had just vacated. “What are you doing sitting all alone at the bar? I would’ve thought you’d be out on the dancefloor, finding yourself a new unsuspecting girl to hook up with?”

Erin let out a low chuckle at that, shaking her head. “Yeah, I would be, but-” 

“She’s pranking one of our lesbian friends she’s crushing on into believing she’s straight.” Abby interrupted, holding out her hand to Bobbie. “Abby Yates, friend of Erin’s.”

“Bobbie. I’m the ex.” The blonde grinned. “Well, one of the exes. Erin had quite the game at Princeton.”

“Yeah, she developed that at U of M.” Abby grinned, Erin rolling her eyes as the two interacted. “I almost considered questioning my asexuality for her, actually.”

“Sounds like Erin.” Bobbie smirked, nudging the redhead. “She was quite the ladykiller. I’m surprised not to see her out on the dance floor, showing off her skills. It’s not like her.”

“Yes, yes,” Erin grumbled, burying her face in her hands. “We can all agree this wasn’t my best idea, and I’m currently slowly dying because I haven’t gotten laid in nearly a year and girls are exceptionally attractive tonight. Now can we  _please_  move on?”

“Sure thing.” Bobbie grinned, ordering her own drink before she turned to look at Erin better. “Tell me about this nefarious scheme of yours.”

So Erin told her everything; how she had tried to conform a little at Columbia, how she had met Holtzmann, how Holtzmann had  _of course_  assumed she was straight, and how Erin had thought this was the  _perfect_  opportunity to prank someone and teach Holtz a little lesson about assumptions.

As she explained a few of the stunts she had pulled - some of which even Abby hadn’t heard about yet - the two women next to her were laughing along, Bobbie occasionally placing a hand on Erin’s arm or leg when she was risking falling off her chair from laughter.

“Erin Gilbert.” She hiccupped, Erin smirking in satisfaction. “That is the meanest, cruelest thing you have  _ever_  done, and I  _love_  you for it.”

After that, the conversation turned to two friends catching up, Erin and Bobbie filling each other in on what had been going on in their lives. They hadn’t been talking for long when Holtzmann showed up again, Erin smiling as she waved the blonde over. “Hey there, Holtz. Did you have fun?”

“Hey, yeah lots of fun. Dancing, it’s good exercise, keeps one fit, ready for anything.” Holtzmann’s words came out faster than she had planned and she took a deep breath, telling herself mentally calm down. She’d gone out to the dance floor, fully prepared to get Erin out of her mind, even dancing with a purple haired woman, but she couldn’t seem to forget about the redheaded physicist. So she had apologized to the woman, making her excuses and heading back to the bad, only to stop shirt when she saw an unknown woman there with Erin.

 It didn’t look like Erin was in any danger or distress, but Holtz still felt a pang of worry mixed with jealousy as she saw them talking, the stranger’s hand coming up to touch Erin’s shoulder as she laughed. She had bounded up to them as Erin called her over, her defences raised, ready to push the woman away if necessary.

“You, uh, you’re having fun? Everything good here?” She gestured at the mysterious woman, putting a gentle hand on Erin’s shoulder, subconsciously telling the woman to back off. She shot a glance at Abby, questioning. Abby just continued smiling at all three of them, like she was watching an amusing tv show.

“Oh, yeah, I’m having a great time.”

Erin chuckled a little at Holtzmann’s reaction, Bobbie grinning and _immediately_  getting the hint. Even without the name-drop, it wasn’t hard to deduce that this was the woman Erin had been talking about, especially when she saw the other blonde relax visibly when she pulled away from Erin. Jillian Holtzmann was  _totally_  acting like the lesbian protecting her straight friend, and not for the first time Bobbie wondered how Holtzmann’s gaydar hadn’t yet pinged on Erin. Generally, the women who oozed gayness themselves had a very finely tuned gaydar.

… Then again,  _very few_  people had picked up on Erin being gay at Princeton. Usually, it had been the redhead openly flirting with the girls, most of whom had ended up dating Erin for a while. Bobbie had been one of those pleasantly surprised girls back in the day.

“Don’t worry; she already told me she wasn’t interested.” Bobbie grinned, all too glad to help Erin keep her cover, while also being careful not to specifically tell Holtzmann Erin was straight. ‘Not interested’ could mean any number of things, and this way she wouldn’t be accused of lying later.

Erin nodded in agreement. “Yes. But Bobbie’s actually really fun to talk to. Did you know she’s a physics major?”

“Found that out when she actually laughed at my rather complicated Higgs-Boson pick up line.” Bobbie grinned, winking at Erin. “We’ve kind of been bonding over that; not a lot of women in STEM.”

“Unfortunately.” Erin agreed, taking another sip of her drink.

“But you know, I  _do_  kind of want to get laid tonight, so I’ll leave you ladies be. Erin, Abby, it was good to meet you. You too, Holtz.”

“Always good to meet a fellow STEM woman. You have a great night, Bobbie!” Holtzmann smiled at her, politely waving her off as she felt her heartbeat slow. The engineer had to admit, the blonde seemed super nice, but while she wasn’t a threat she still felt a little uneasy at the familiarity with which she had interacted with Erin.

 _Probably jealousy_.

“Bye, Bobbie.” Both Erin and Abby waved the other woman goodbye, Erin making a mental note to properly catch up with her ex at a later date, even just to inform her on how things had gone with Holtzmann. The two had parted amicably back in the day, and the redhead had almost forgotten how much  _fun_  the other woman could be.

Bobbie didn’t nearly have the protective streak Holtzmann did, though. If Erin was being honest, she thought it was kind of sweet, the way Holtzmann was looking out for her. In her slightly tipsy state, unable to resist confusing Holtzmann just the slightest bit more, she leaned over to press a soft kiss to Holtzmann’s cheek. “Thank you for looking out for me, Holtz. I’m really lucky to have you as a friend.”

Behind her, Abby snorted quietly, trying not to choke on her drink while Bobbie chuckled as she walked away, silently applauding Erin for the marvellous scheme she was pulling off as she watched Holtzmann literally freeze for a second, her eyes wide as she felt the soft lips on her cheek.

A blush spread across her face and she blinked quickly, breaking her stillness, her voice monotone as she replied. “Oh hey, yeah, uh no problem. I feel the same about you Erin.”

Holtzmann took her glasses off, wiping them on her shirt, avoiding Erin’s gaze until she felt the heat on her face recede slightly. She looked up at the two women who were staring at her. “What? Got some dirt on the glass.”

Satisfied with her handiwork, Erin took another sip of her drink, smiling at Holtzmann as she watched the engineer fluster and stumble a bit. It was adorable, in a way, and part of Erin actually really wanted to kiss her properly.

Really, the only reason she hadn’t yet turned up her own charm was because she was still having a little too much fun toying with the engineer like this. She planned on changing that soon, though, especially if Holtz wanted to make it a habit to drag her to gay bars.

Crush on Holtzmann or no, she wasn’t going to be able to live through another night of pretending to be straight around gay girls.

Holtzmann cleared her throat loudly then moved to sit next to Abby and Erin at the bar.

“So everybody’s having a good time. Erin made a new friend, haven’t seen Abby smiling this much since we watched that funny cat video last week, and old Holtzy here is feeling just fine.” The blush still lingered on her cheeks but she looked over at the two of them and winked. “I call that a successful night. You two thinking of heading out soon?”

“Heading out sounds good, actually.” Erin replied, glad she managed to keep the relief out of her voice at the knowledge she’d be getting out of this sweet, sweet torture soon. “I’m getting a little tired.”

Another small snort from Abby, whom Erin silenced with a subtle elbow to the ribs. “Shall we go, then?”

Holtzmann nodded, following her friends outside. And while the blonde engineer had gathered no new info on Erin’s sexuality, as she felt Erin’s arm link with her own, she still couldn’t consider the evening a complete bust.

Even if she was, undoubtedly, royally screwed when it came to her attraction to the redhead.

 

It was about a week later when Holtz had almost hit her breaking point with Erin. It was becoming nearly impossible to be around her, with her flannels and her little touches. The plain facts were that Erin was straight and Holtz had accepted that. But every time she was settling into the idea, Erin would throw her for a loop with some new torturous sign.

Quite frankly, it was driving Holtz insane.

She hadn’t been able to get much work done with the distractions and the conundrum that she was trying to work out in her head. As a result, she found herself shuffling down the stairs of the firehouse one morning, having had only two hours of sleep.

She had crashed at the firehouse in an attempt to get some work done with Erin not there, but her thoughts had wandered to the physicist anyway, and she had ended up changing into her pyjamas and collapsing onto the bed at about 5 in the morning.

Of course, her body had woken her up way earlier than she wanted, ending her op in the kitchen at 7AM, running a hand through her loose curls. Not having expected anyone else to be there, she hadn’t bothered to change out of her pyjamas, meaning she was still dressed in her short shorts and her ‘say hey if you’re gay’ tank top as she blearily made her way to the coffee machine.

Much to both her delight and annoyance, she found Erin was already there, sipping from her ‘Higgs-boson gives me a hadron’ coffee mug as she eyed Holtzmann curiously. As Holtzmann was still drunk on sleep, she didn’t notice how Erin’s eyes began to sparkle with mischief as soon as her eyes landed on the text on Holtzmann’s tank top.

Unbeknownst to the engineer, Erin had been trying to find a good way to inform Holtzmann on how wrong she’d been about Erin’s sexuality ever since the gay bar adventure. So far, no real opportunity had presented itself, but this… It was everything she’d been searching for, but  _infinitely_  better, and presented on a silver platter.

A sly grin on her face, Erin looked at Holtzmann. Or, well,  _stared_  at Holtzmann, more like, making sure she got the blonde’s attention as her eyes raked over the engineer’s form, making sure to linger on the shirt’s text. (And hey, if the text just happened to be printed right across her breasts, that was just an added bonus). Holtzmann, for her part, just looked at Erin in confusion.

 _Was it just her imagination, or was Erin lingering on her chest?_ The blonde felt her cheeks heat up a little at the intensity of the stare, and was about to comment on it when Erin’s eyes locked with hers, and she fell silent, the look in Erin’s eyes unlike anything she’d ever seen before. Swallowing thickly, she watched as Erin leaned forward on the counter, the redhead smirking at her like a cat who just got the cream.

“ _Hey_.”

Erin’s voice sounded low and suave, almost – or _definitely_ – seductive, and Holtzmann gaped at her, her mouth slightly open as she tried to think of a good response to that. She almost replied with a similar hey, still utterly bewildered by Erin’s behavior, but something suddenly clicked in her brain.

Her eyes went from Erin, down to the text on her shirt, and then back up to the grin on the physicist’s face. Much to her amazement, the redhead shot Holtzmann a slow wink in response, taking another sip of her coffee as she waited for the pieces to click into place in Holtzmann’s brain.

“Wait, _what_?” Holtzmann’s tired eyes opened wide, bugging out, taking in the look of amusement on Erin’s face as she tried to wrap her head around what had just happened. “Do you mean… Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“You mean hey because I’m gay?” Erin shrugged lightly, still smirking. “Yeah. I did.”

Something started buzzing in the engineer’s chest as her brain woke up, churning fast. “But… you…”

Holtzmann’s mind was moving a mile a minute as she stared at Erin, her mouth moving but no words coming out. There was no way. All the signs had pointed to it, but Holtz had been entirely convinced that there was no way that Erin was gay. Holtz almost seemed to shut off.

She slumped down the ground, sitting and staring into the distance, her brain unable to process the information. Her mouth hung open, not blinking. A very feint high pitched sound was coming from the back of her throat. She could feel her pulse quicken and everything seemed to blur around her. Then everything came sharply back into focus and she looked up into Erin’s face, finding her voice again.

“How?! Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

Erin’s smile began to falter a little, her confidence fading just a bit as she distracted herself by taking another sip of her coffee. More and more, she began to wonder that, while  _she_  had had a lot of fun pulling the prank, it may have actually caused her to ruin her friendship with Holtzmann.

“Well, I never  _denied_  it…” She spoke slowly, realizing that that was probably her best argument. It was true, sure, but it still sounded weak in her ears. Especially considering the reaction she’d just gotten from Holtzman. “I never claimed to be straight, and you never asked. You just  _assumed_. Rudely so, I might add. And, you know, I figured I could have a little fun with that. Teach you a little lesson about making assumptions without proper evidence.”

Erin shrugged, her voice sounding more apologetic than teasing at this point. This wasn’t exactly how she’d meant for this unveling to go. She had expected Holtzmann to be shocked, yes, but had also expected her to be happy. After all, she wouldn’t have kept flirting with Erin if she didn’t like her, right? She should be glad her flirting hadn’t been for nothing…

Right?

Holtz stood up, regaining her strength. “I-but-you?!”

Her arms waved vaguely, trying to find a counter argument, but coming up short. She thought back on everything that had transpired the last couple months. Had Erin planned the whole damn thing? Holtz never imagined that Erin would ever prank her like that. Seemed more like something Abby would do.

“Abby!” Holtz shouted. “I asked her! I mean, yes, I should have come to you and asked,” she shrugged, conceding a point to Erin, “Ok, but I went to Abby and she straight up told me you weren’t gay!”

Holtz raised her shoulders, with a “What about that?” look on her face as Erin simply raised a brow at her.

“You were questioning something about me and you decided to ask Abby…  _Our_  Abby. Abigail Louise Yates, who once ate 12 bananas just to stick it to childhood bullies, who prioritizes soup crises over tenure cases, who owes me  _multiple_  favours, and who is the  _textbook definition_  of the ‘piece of shit’ friend?” Erin, while having expected Abby would be a willing accomplice, sounded a little insulted at the idea that Holtzmann would simply take Abby’s word for gospel without asking her, too. “The one who watches drama unfold for her own amusement? _That_  Abby?  _That’s_  who you decided to ask? And you determined  _that_  was satisfactory evidence?”

“Uhhhhhhhh” Holtz groans, trying to find an answer and failing. Erin had a point. Holtzmann definitely hadn’t thought about any of that.

She slumped over again on the counter, her voice muffled in her arm. “Yeaaaaah. You’re right.”

She paused, a thought coming to her. “The gay club though! That woman!”

“You mean Bobbie?” Erin asked, another small smirk still playing on her lips as she waited for the inevitable reaction of shock she knew the next few words would elicit form Holtzmann. “My ex? Who just said I ‘wasn’t interested’ and let nothing slip about my sexuality?”

Holtzmann pulled herself back up. “I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Am I still gay even?” Holtz was mostly joking, her eyes wide in mock horror. Then her expression softened, her mind still rifiling through the events that led up to this. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this at all! I didn’t know you had it in you, Gilbert. How in the world did you pull this off?!”

“I’m pretty sure you’re still gay, Holtz.” Erin grinned, leaning back against the kitchen counter as she looked at Holtzmann. “Even if your gaydar is apparently a lot worse than I had expected it to be.”

She winked again, then, more than a little proud of her own achievement. Straight-passing as she was, she’d regressed enough over the past months to at least ping a few other women’s gaydars. To think Holtzmann had been  _adamant_  in her belief that Erin was straight as they came… Yeah, she was feeling a little smug.

Holtz grabbed a cup and poured herself some coffee, shaking her head. “You’re a devil, Erin Gilbert. A devil with incredible will. I mean, if I was trying to be straight and had to be in a gay bar, I probably would have lost it.”

“It was a very specific brand of torture.” Erin hummed in agreement, chuckling softly at Holtzmann’s reaction. While she still felt a little bad for pranking the engineer like that, she had to admit the reaction was still pretty funny. Holtzmann was flabbergasted, absolutely shocked, and her brilliant mind just didn’t seem to be able to wrap her head around the idea that Erin wasn’t straight. That Erin was, in fact, really very incredibly gay.

Holtzmann wasn’t done talking, however, the engineer throwing her arms up in disbelief as she felt her voice getting faster and louder with each word.

 “And I still can’t believe your _ex_ helped you with this! God, I can’t trust anyone anymore! I’m really glad I was defensive with her about you now, though. Actually, I’m glad that I kept most of the girls away. It’s undoubtedly hard for them to resist you. You with your Tegan and Sara and your flannels and hot exes and the soft touches! Devious, Gilbert, devious!”

Holtz deflated a little at the thought that the only reason Erin had been touching her more often was because of a prank, but she kept going, talking a mile a minute, her thoughts still scattered and manic.

“You had me so fooled. I’m almost impressed. And I was so devastated by how straight you were! I could have just asked you and everything would have been fine. I wouldn’t have to deal with you driving me insane every day. I would have been able to be with you more, and I could have actually done something about how much I like you!”

There was a silence after Holtz’s last shout, Holtzmann swallowing thickly as she realized she had just confessed how she felt to Erin. She was frozen, hands in the air, quickly looking down at the floor and missing Erin’s smile as a result.

“You know…” Erin began slowly as she walked over to Holtzmann, only stopping when there was less than a foot of space between them. “You still could.”

Holtzmann broke from her frozen position as Erin walked closer. She stared at the red head, a mix of utter confusion and pleasant surprise on her face. She been completely ranting, not really paying attention to exactly what she was saying, after having the biggest shock of probably her life, and that had now led to this. Erin, close, saying some _very_ interesting things.

Erin chuckled softly, incredibly amused and relieved at Holtzmann’s reaction to all this. The knowledge that Holtzmann was not only impressed at Erin’s schemes, but was also still _interested_ in pursuing a relationship with her, had given her a lot of newfound confidence. She’d never seen the engineer quite this speechless before, and if she was honest, she kind of liked the fact that she managed to have this effect on the blonde.

“I mean, I do actually know a few more  _pleasant_  ways to drive you insane, if you’re still interested…” Erin grinned, placing her hands on Holtzmann’s waist to pull her closer, her fingers ghosting over the sliver of exposed skin between the engineer’s shorts and her tank top.

Holtz cleared her throat awkwardly, shutting her open mouth. She slowly moved her hands to copy Erin’s, though her touch was significantly lighter and more hesitant than the redhead’s. She spoke slowly, not able to believe that what she had thought about for so many nights, actually might have a chance of happening.

“I’ve been told that I have problems just assuming things,” Holtzmann smiled slightly, “so I’m going to ask, just so I know what’s what, being as specific as I can.”

Holtz looked Erin right in the eye – and god, the physicist really did have beautiful eyes - as she took a deep breath.

“Are you saying that you, Erin Gilbert, are in fact gay and are very much interested in me, Jillian Holtzmann, and you, Erin, would probably, actually like to kiss me, Holtzmann, right this second? And you, Erin Gilbert, swear this is not part of your devious plan to prank me? Please say yes to that last part.”

“Look at you, learning from your mistakes.” Erin grinned, her fingers tracing small patterns on the engineer’s skin. In truth, she understood Holtz’s worries, even if she couldn’t keep herself from chuckling just a little at the amount of detail Holtzmann was putting into the questions. It was like the blonde was drawing up a contract, or a blood oath, anything to ensure that she didn’t make any other wrong assumptions.

Pulling the engineer flush against her, Erin looked her in the eye, her expression a little softer now, though her eyes were still sparkling with amusement. “I, Erin Gilbert, swear that this is  _not_ , in fact, part of a prank, and that I would, in fact, very much like one Jillian Holtzmann to kiss me right this second - and for a good long while after that, I must add - because I am indeed very,  _very_  gay and very,  _very_  interested in you, Holtzmann.”

Holtz couldn’t contain the joy that spread from her chest, flooding into her whole body. A grin spread across her face, her eyes brightening, sparkling with unabashed excitement.

Erin liked her. Erin Gilbert liked her. Erin Gilbert wanted her to kiss her, and was as gay as Holtz was herself, no pranks or strings.

Holtz was blindsided, but happily so.

Her hands moved slowly up Erin’s body, caressing her warm skin, savoring the feeling of the redhead against her. Holtz felt herself gaining back some of her usual suaveness. She moved a hand up, resting on Erin’s neck, the other going to her cheek. She pulled her forward gently, leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips.

It was short, sweet, and not nearly enough for Erin, who quickly pulled Holtzmann back in for a second kiss, her hands still resting on the blonde’s waist. Not that Holtzmann minded, of course. Erin was warm and smelled like fresh soap and roasted coffee, and it was everything Holtz had ever wanted and more. She moved both of her hands to the side of Erin’s face, pulling her in tighter, the second kiss a little rougher and longer.

Holtzmann decided right there and then that she would never stop kissing Erin Gilbert. It felt too good to ever stop.

Pushing her up against the counter, Erin deepened the kiss, one hand coming up to tangle in Holtz’s hair - and that was another thing. Holtzmann had come downstairs with her hair down, which was a sight Erin hadn’t often seen and was one she absolutely,  _definitely_  had a thing for. 

Holtzmann just pressed into her, pushing against Erin’s lips as her tongue ran along the inside of the redhead’s cheek. It’d been everything she’d been thinking of for so long, and now that it was happening she never wanted it to end. Every touch from Erin was absolutely electrifying, and she didn’t doubt things would have gone a lot further than kissing had Abby not decided to walk in less than a minute later.

Erin’s hand was still tangled in blonde curls, her body flush against Holtzmann’s, coffee cups abandoned on the counter. Abby just rolled her eyes at the sight, walking over to fix her own cup of coffee as she spoke. 

“I know it’s been a while for both of you, but would you mind keeping these activities  _out_  of public areas?”

Erin was chuckling softly to herself as she pulled back, grinning at Abby in a way that showed she wasn’t the  _least_  bit sorry. In fact, she seemed thoroughly amused, what with Holtzmann looking more than a little disappointed and Abby taking the whole thing in stride, as if she’d seen it coming.

(She had. Erin had unveiled enough to her about her crush on Holtzmann, but the redhead had wanted to keep the prank up for just a little bit longer)

Holtzmann was still holding Erin in her arms, even as she fixed her best friend with a pointed look. “You know, this is partly your fault, Abigail. Lying right to my face. If you’d told me the truth maybe Erin and I would be laying in bed together instead of resorting to groping each other in the work kitchen.”

Holtzmann’s answer had Erin raising a brow, though, the physicist turning to fix Holtzmann with an incredulous look. “You mean you  _wouldn’t_  grope me in the work kitchen?” She gasped. “I’m a little offended you’d keep bedroom activities to just the bedroom, Holtzmann.”

Groaning at Erin’s mock-outrage (and maybe potentially actual outrage, Abby had never quite been able to tell), Abby again rolled her eyes at the duo. “That’s too much information, even for me.”

“Oh, groping in inappropriate locations would definitely still be happening. But we ended up in the kitchen, so here we are.” Holtz winked at Erin, the redhead looking rather satisfied with that answer, before turning to Abby, fake outrage on her face.

“And you deserve all the TMI you get, Abbykins. I’m telling you _all_ about what Erin and I are about to do later. Although…” she added, turning back to Erin. “It might have been nice to have done all that in bed with you this morning, instead of having spent the night freaking out about how straight you were.”

Erin grinned at that, the hand that was still resting on Holtzmann’s waist moving to cup her cheek. “Well, we could certainly remedy that.” She grinned, before pulling the engineer in for another kiss. Abby simply shook her head, deciding it was probably best not to get between them for a while. Or even near them, for a while.

Not long after Abby had left them, however, Holtzmann pulled back, the blonde engineer positively beaming at the woman in her arms, even as her voice sounded a little apologetic.

“Fun as this is – and believe me, _it is_ \- I only got 2 hours of sleep last night, so I think it might be wise for me to go back to bed.”

Much to Holtzmann’s surprise, though, Erin didn’t seem to put off by that, instead grinning at the blonde. “Care for some company?”

Holtzmann gaped at her, eyes twinkling with joy. The engineer had gone from complete shock, to complete arousal, to complete bliss in a matter of minutes. And while she still was a little taken aback by the comment, she wasn’t exactly going to complain.

“Erin Gilbert, you are going to be the death of me, aren’t you?”

Taking Erin’s hand in her own, she led her upstairs, her heart still racing in her chest. She didn’t know what being with Erin would be like, especially since she’d only known her as a straight woman, but if it was anything like this morning, Holtz knew she was in for a good time. She was going to have to get to know the actual Erin, not hiding behind a prank, and Holtz couldn’t wait for each new discovery.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come love me in the comments, on Twitter (ForxGood), or Tumblr (scientificxmethod)


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